Joke: Vaginitis

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vaginitis

(This is a excerpt from the defunkt Night Owl Column of Bangkok Post

- I am passing along these humorous replies (meant to be serious) to an advertisement in a South African women's magazine called Femina, sent me by a reader. The ad in 1985 was for Nelex, a medicine for the treatment of a vaginal infection known as vaginitis.
Herewith extracts from some of the most hilarious:

Please send me the following symptoms: itching, discharge, unpleasant smell...
I am one of those with a virginal problem... I will be very grateful if my disease were acceptable...
Dear Sirs, greetings as patient to you, but I have not got enought time to express my sickness over this paper. I want to come by myself to confess my sickness to you after I use this Nelex...
The trouble is my vaginitis and that I'm so ugly...
How can I get vaginal infection? Most chemists cannot help...
Is vaginitis normal, or does it occur by mistakes like having sex...
My husband is not happy with the behaviour of my vagina at bedtime...
Please send me more information about these vaginal erections...
My symptoms are some of the ones you didn't mention, so please send me another medicine...
Every boyfriend left me and made another girl pregnant, so maybe you can help me...
With modern life of anonymous infection, I have found your vagina infection very handy and unavoidable...
I tried Dettol, Omo (washing powder) and also pure brandy. All in vain...
My problem is itching, burning pain after intercourse when the weather is cold or foggy I am a young lady of 1963. Will you please send me more news about my virginia pains during intercourse, even when I'm not having intercourse at all I use to have sex eight to ten times a day. Now I am very dry. I went to the hospital and they told me I have too much sex. Maybe I should move to Durban for the humidity...
I am a girl of 21 years of edge. Can you help me with virginial infractions...
Last night the virginial infections suddenly attacked me. What do you want me to do...
Please send me Nelex. I am so sick I will even pay for it...
I really want a baby, but I don't want to be pregnant...
The first time I noticed vaginal infection was in your advert...
My vargin is beginning to irritate me. I scream at it sometimes but it doesn't help...
Sometimes my anus produces an unpleasant smell...
Please send my letter back so I can remember what I have written...
Please advertise more so that I can remember that I have an infection...
I stopped to have sexual intercourse with my husband, but he hasn't stopped with me...
My problem is I feel itching even when my husband romances me with his erection...
I never told anyone about my symptoms, now I see them publicly advertised...
I am 42 years old, but the infections started when I was much older... please reply as soon as it is convenient for me. I have pain during sex, and also during intercourse...
When I was 13 I spray my vagina with Airoma room-freshener. Now I am 18 and I need your help...
Please send any good and large information to my suffering vagina...
According to symptoms advertised, I have discovered four of them in my Promised One.
She urges me... so help me to help her. My new address is (address supplied)... but please send your reply to my old address Can I get vaginal infection without prescription...
Nelex the effective treatment, is it also effective in Zimbabwe...

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